Gender, gaming, blogging and so on…
One of the things which I have been hyper-conscious of in creating and working on this site is my status as a “girl gamer”. In my day to day life, I’m not hyper conscious of my gender, in the sense that I don’t feel like a minority, I don’t feel discriminated against. I’m not worried about being a woman in academia, I’ve never felt it to be either a limitation or a perk in my jobs. I’m fairly used to having my gender be a non-issue most of the time, in most of the circles that i operate in. So, it has been rather confusing and off putting to enter the gaming world and all of a sudden discover that my gender is in fact my biggest distinguishing mark. Not only that, but that it is the front and center of my identity as a gamer, whether I want it to be or not. Everything, from the name of our blog, to my concerns about how often I post are reflections of my awareness that as a female gamer with a somewhat public platform, I have some responsibility to represent myself and this whole conversation about couples, society and gaming in a particular way. So I find myself caught in an interesting dilemma. On the one hand, I want to minimize the amount my being a woman has to do with what I say. On the other hand, I dearly want to create some intelligent conversation about gender and gaming that goes beyond the stereotypes.
Looking at this from another angle, perhaps this is more about identity, both the identities that we choose for ourselves and those that are placed upon us. Being a girl gamer is not something that I, personally, choose as an identity to latch on to. Sure, I’m female, and I game, but that doesn’t inform to any large degree about who I am. However, in things like World of Warcraft, or in writing this blog, I realize that many, many people place that identity upon me as a primary trait. Part of the problem for me is that I don’t even really understand what all being a Girl Gamer says about me, or about people who take that on as an identity willingly. It says something about being a nerd (and all that comes with that identity) it has something to do with eschewing traditional gender stereotypes, a willingness to “run with the boys,” if you will. It’s sort of the sedentary person’s way of being a tomboy. I think. And really, now that women’s participation in sports has become more accepted, I wonder if it is actually becoming a more powerful way to declare yourself as a non-girly girl than traditional tomboy-ness has. The other thing though, is that it is confusingly sexualized. Tomboy women are not usually seen as sex objects. Gamer Girls often are. We are coveted male possessions, and rare gems. So, as an identity it has a tremendously confusing double layered effect of on the one hand de-feminizing you, and on the other, granting you elite sex status within a certain community of men.
It is certainly a potent feeling of power. You are desired, you can manipulate people to your advantage, you are automatically one of the cool kids, but just by virtue of gender rather than personality or skill. In Warcraft, my in game conversation with my guild was always sexualized. It didn’t help that my actual name is part of the name to one of the instances, so there was much conversation along the lines of “hey guys, whatta ya say we all grind —— tonight? Maybe a five man run?” you get the picture. And while it is fun and flattering, for a while, eventually it begins to feel a little one dimensional. Especially because in that context they don’t really know me. I am, in their minds, a fantasy woman, imbued with whatever traits physically and mentally they want to give me. They weren’t really interacting with me so much as they were with a fantasy woman they created in their heads. It is because of this perception that I feel a weight that I (perhaps unfairly) think that men don’t have to carry. Although I don’t want to make my gender a big deal, the simple fact is that it is a big deal whether I want it to be or not. And because of that I feel I have a responsibility both to myself and to my readers to address it.
And beyond me and my personal issues, how does this all effect the very notion of couples who game? Obviously it is going to be a very different experience for every couple, depending on what their dynamic is. But even in the privacy of my living room, there is a consciousness of gender in gaming that I can’t avoid. In writing this blog, I find myself being worried about the perception that people have because I post less than Harry. I worry about the games that I choose to talk about and play because of the stereotypes they either perpetuate or refute. There is an entire subtext to the things I talk about and do that I don’t think exists in nearly the same way for Harry.
So. All of that said, one of the points I want to make clear here is that I am not the sort of person to get my undies all in a bundle about this stuff. But I am interested in it, and aware of it. I will be trying to find a balance in my posts of addressing it, and yet not letting it dominate what or how I say what I say. And really, what I would love, is if this blog could be one of the places where people can share their thoughts about all of this in some kind of thoughtful and meaningful way. As our generation comes of age, we bring gaming as a lifestyle with us in to a cultural forefront. What are the ramifications to our relationships and to our notions of selves, gender, etc, that this brings with it? And how do we find a way socially to discuss all of this in a way that allows us some authenticity and an ability to break out of our boxes and talk about what is really going on here?
I worry about opening this particular can of worms, and fear that I haven’t articulated myself well at all, but I will be re-addressing this issue as time goes by. These are enormously complicated questions that people have rather strong opinions on, so I preemptively apologize if I do a crappy job of saying what I mean.
December 9th, 2005 at 4:27 pm
I’ve got to agree that Sally has a perceived uphill battle to wage on this blog, far more than me. It’s easy for me to just be another dude writing about what games are cool. This is something I know that I need to avoid as much as possible to attempt to elevate the discussion somewhat.
The thing that strikes me as very interesting about the whole gaming community is that the voices are very dominantly male. I don’t have any numbers to back me up at the moment, but I believe that, especially in MMOs, women are not nearly as outnumbered as it seems. Instead, the dominant dialog that emerges is very male focused.
Another goal, for myself as much as anyone else, is to try and change the perception of gaming for couples. I think that it’s easy to look at couples who game together and perceive that the woman is “giving in” to the man’s recreational choices (if you would forgive my pretty strong hetero bias in that sentence). It all falls under the assumption that video games are something that only males willingly partake in, and that women only play to be one of the guys or to please their partner. I think that video games can be a fulfilling experience on their own for either member of a couple and that playing together provides a means of interaction above and beyond the individual enjoyment.
There are also more conversations to be had about couples that play an MMO. Players had an assumption about our abilities, about playing with or without each other, and their own views on my status as being a guy with a girlfriend that played.
December 9th, 2005 at 6:05 pm
Harry has hit another couple of nails on the head. I think the actual vs. perceived number of women who game is fantastically interesting. I mean, we’re seen as this fantastically rare thing, and sure, we’re still in the vast minority, but not by THAT much.
Also, I very much appreciate him noting how hetero-centric this whole conversation is. There is probably a very rich conversation to be had about people who game and are glbt, and this blog may or may not be the venue to have it in. Neither Harry nor I can do much more than conjecture about the experience, which has limited usefulness. However, all of this points to the issue of masculinity and representation in games, and who that includes and excludes in various fashions. And, following that thread, how people who are naturally excluded from it, but who still choose to participate, deal with it.
Lastly (for now) I also think it is important to realize that these conversations take wildly different turns depending on whether you are talking about online (X Box Live anything, or MMORPG like Warcraft) gaming, or offline cooperative or solo gaming.
At some point here, I’m going to pull out all the different threads that are generated here, and hopefully devote a couple of posts to each of them over time. This post and subsequent comments are hardly definitive, and are hopefully just the kicking off point for many discussions about more focused aspects of what gets said here.
December 10th, 2005 at 1:00 am
Sally does well to demarcate what she is and is not qualified to discuss with authority. It is probably well to say that I am not part of a “gaming couple,” any more than I am a gaming member of a couple. To that extent, I will comment that my lone venture into the arena of MMOs, World of Warcraft, was one of the more fantastically destructive games I’ve played, from a relationship point of view. Anything that can be paused / quicksaved at any point in time is much more non-gaming-couple / family friendly.
I will also say that I heartily endorse the idea of splitting these ideas out into separate threads.
Being a male without a gaming partner, the best I can do for this thread is to discuss my particular experience with females/gender in multiplayer. First, there is absolutely zero presence of females (or any presence of gender other than slightly insecure, quasi-postured, adolescent male) in online shooters. Second, my only other impression of females comes from my experience with World of Warcraft. In WoW, there were essentially approaches taken by the females (or those who presented themselves as females) that played: objectification and obscurity. Some females seemed to embrace their femininity as a defining characteristic, often oversexualizing themselves. It’s hard to say how many of these “female” characters were really males, playing a role. Among the females I knew personally who played, it was much more common for them to play the fact that they were female down. The Player Qua Female is a thing, as Sally has already commented, to barrage with juvenile attention — and the female players seemed often to be more interested in actually playing the game. I am of the opinion that the problems of objectification and “unwanted attention” from other players stems more from the fact that adolescent (in maturity, not necessarily age) males seem to be the dominant force in MMOs than the lesser numbers of female players. To say it another way, even if there was a majority of female players, the adolescent males would bring the level of conversation down the where it rests now, regardless. This must be frustrating for all the female players out there — hell, it was frustrating for me, a male player (though one who would consider himself somewhat more mature than the average participant).
But then, really, what do you expect, when the plate mail that the female avatars don looks like a bikini?
December 13th, 2005 at 12:14 pm
My comment isn’t as longor as eloquent as those before, but as to the topic of the female gamer being a more powerful sexual figure… I think that’s partly because, at least person-to-person where I live, female gamers are rare. My gamer friends and I long for someone who’s willing to share that with us instead of rolling eyes and trying to talk us out of gaming so much… so the ‘gamer girl’ becomes less a mecca of sexual desire and more… a person that you can share an important part of your life with.
-seamus
December 20th, 2005 at 3:30 pm
[…] A while ago, I said I would compile a list of themes which sprang from the longer post I wrote a week ago or so and it’s comments. It’s taken a bit longer than I hoped to get around to this (see the post just below this) but here we are. So here’s the list. What have I missed? What has been talked to death? What are you interested in? Basically, what I’m trying to do is couch all these discussions in the framework of gaming for couples. I’m not trying to turn this blog in to yet another site talking about gender and gaming or women gamers, or pick your hot-academic-topic of the moment. However, I do realize that in order to have and intelligent and useful conversation about gaming, couples and the dynamics therein, you have to look at things like power and gender in games. Because all of that, from what avatars look like, to who games are marketed to, to how the gaming industry sets up a power dynamic between Harry and I whether we know it or not, all of that and more is going in to and affecting our experience as a couple who games. So although there are blogs and books and websites which address all of this much more thoroughly and thoughtfully that I’m able to, it still feel it is an important aspect of gaming to bring to the table when we are talking about couples who play. […]
December 29th, 2005 at 12:46 pm
What I think is interesting to note though may not be entirely relevent to the conversation at hand is the attitude towards females in other “geeky” pursuits aside from gaming. I have the pleasure of being in a gaming couple whom also shares an interest in comics. While I have never really felt out of place in a comic book shop my girlfriend often finds herself the not only a mecca of sexual desire as seems to be the catch phrase here but also veiwed down upon by members of that community as a posturer. Also I should note this is when she enters alone, I haven’t seen this first hand and have only heard this via report. She has told me that she has had to take a more aggressive role in order to gain some form of respect and equality among the members of that community via insults and putting a resolute front: “No I don’t want the new fucking Mary Jane comic.” I am curious as to whether any of you have seen or had to act in this manner in order to retain your status as gamer. My gf has always been one to solidify her place among the boys in this manner, to the point that some of my roommates report ‘being afraid of her’. Though this may have been out of necessity because entering my room tended to invovle her being outnumbered 4 to 1, but she has always managed to hold her own until recently converting me to her aid.
I think this is interesting in that in order for her to establish herself as a gamer or a comic geek she has to take on something of a more agressive attitude which I believe is often more attributed to males. I am sure she may be dropping her comments in soon to debunk me soon but I’m just spit-balling here.
January 7th, 2006 at 1:58 am
As much as I’d love to debunk Rob, he’s actually hit the nail on the the proveberal head on many different aspects, as has Sally. I, too, don’t like to label myself as a “woman who plays video games/reads comics” any more than I like to label myself as a “woman who enjoys music”. However, I think that because women still represent a minority in the ‘geek’ sphere of influence, we’re bound to be labeled by our gender as much as we our bound to be labeled by our tastes, our skills, etc. The sports metaphor Sally used earlier is very apt in this sense. 50 years ago, my playing softball or volleyball would have resulted in a label of “woman who plays sports” but by the time my generation entered high school, you were simply an athlete, or you weren’t, gender aside. Girls simply entered the game a little late on this one, and as a result, will have to wait for time and sheer numbers to help level the playing field.
Now as to the question of whether or not this focus on gender influences behavior, I think it does, but not in any unexpected ways. I think that being the minority member of any community motivates individuals to prove their mettle if they will, albiet if it’s in the business world, or the gaming world. However, the distinction of women gamers is that their status as a minorty caries with it certian sexual aspects. I think that females gamers are often viewed as ’sloppy second’ by their male peers-as females that do not measure up to the standards created by certain virtual characters, but are better than no female contact at all. I may be way off in this perception, not being a guy and all, but that’s sometimes how it comes accross. I think this perception has a tendancy to pressure girls into proving their competence as gamers, not to be reveared as being good at something, but just to be seen as peers or equals.
January 8th, 2006 at 7:47 pm
Rob and Erin, you both make really good points. I think that whole thing about proving yourself is really true. I’ve hung out with a number of male dominated groups, gamers, comic kids and the hip hop crowd (who were by far the most misogynistic). In all cases I’ve often felt the need to be aggressive in my knowledge, and be aggressive to be included in conversations, activities, whatever. So far, I’ve had very good experiences with gaming, as far as it goes. My personal friends are all just fine, not weird in one way or another, with having a girl who’s in to games. But in a previous relationship my boyfriend was really in to Hip Hop, DJing, and electronic music in general. That crowd of young men was just awful. People wouldn’t even look at me, let alone talk to me. In that crowd I had to be really, really assertive and aggressive to be included in even a rudimentary way. That experience has probably made me a little over-sensitive, or at least hyper-vigilant about it repeating itself in other communities. In all of these cases I feel a pressure, sometimes only from myself, that I can’t just be ok, I have to be good at whatever it is, And good, preferably, by natural gift, rather than by hours of practice (or at least by the appearance of natural gift).
I feel like I need to re-emphasize that this is by no means my daily experience. I don’t go around feeling angry or persecuted or defensive all the time. Mostly I don’t even notice it. But in this forum, I feel like these are good topics to be mindful of, and have an opportunity to discuss.
Also, it’s good to see you both on here Rob and Erin, thanks!